Same Script…..Different Skins

On the 16th of May,  1929, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences handed out their first awards, at a dinner party that gathered 250 people, held in the Blossom Room of the Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood, California. It’s brain child, Louis Meyer, who headed the powerful MGM film studio,  organized the event as a non-profit organization, committed to the advancing as well as improving the film industry. Unlike this present time, the winners of the first Oscars–as the coveted gold-plated statuettes later became known–were announced before the awards ceremony itself. Did you know that???

However, this year’s Oscars was met with a lot of skepticism  particularly from the Black community  and some of them like Will Smith, Spike Lee boycotted the event, labeling it as racist. These sentiments were echoed by the renowned comedian Chris Rock, the event’s host,  described Hollywood as an exclusive club of nice people who didn’t want to hire black Americans. But I tend to disagree with his remarks.

 

 

Historically, black people both in America and and other parts of the world have had a long struggle, fighting for their rights. Regardless, most of them have managed to rise up to the top against all odds and made a mark in history. Take for instance Obama, born of a Kenyan father, now America’s first black president. He won his elections fair and square. His keynote speech at the Democratic National Convention in Boston was efficient to catapult him from the back seat to prominence. His ability to articulate clearly the hopes and dreams of the American people inspired people of all races to vote for him as the world’s most powerful man. That’s not the only black man.

The list is endless. In 1968, Shirley Chisolm was elected as the first black woman in Congress. In 1983, Vanessa Williams became the first black woman to win the title,’ Miss America.’Lupita Nyongo, our very own,  Marian Anderson, Maya Angelou, Whoopy Goldberg, Oprah Winfrey, Tyra Banks, Will Smith, Maria Carey, Beyonce, Rihanna, Michael Jackson, all these people have made a difference, their gifts have made room for them before great men, even without boycotts and complaints.

Life is like an echo. It always gives back what you send forth. It’s true  we have had grave mistreatment and injustice done to us. Yet, nothing  can hinder us from attaining our highest potential if we set our minds on it. It’s time for Africa to stop playing victim and start working. It’s not just in the Oscars but also here in Africa, we blame colonialism and the cold war for the underdevelopment that exists in our continent and yet it is poor leadership that’s ailing us.

In the bible, there is a story of this man who sat by the pool of five porches, waiting for his turn to reach and get healing. And when Jesus asked him why he was not healed, he blamed other people for his inability to get in the water. He was surrounded by potential, but didn’t have the brains to recognize it and  let it work for him. Instead he complained, like the way we  Africans do. But the only response that Jesus had for this man, is:” Will thou be made whole.”Jesus shifted the responsibility to the man and made him see that getting well was his responsibility and not anyone else.

 

Whether we make it to the Oscars or not, whether we are shut out or not, nothing and no one can make us disadvantaged unless we allow them to do so. Lets stop the blame game!

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These vows must surely be broken….

Did you know that during the Roman Empire period, this was like between  (17 BC – 476 AD), people who were deemed to be in the lower class, or present time hustlers had something called “free marriage?” The chick’s father would deliver her to her heart throb and the two would agree that they were married and that by mutual consent, they would just stay true to their  marriage vows forever and ever. (I know there are some Kenyan men asking their maker why that arrangement does not exist in this present day and age) LOL Life would have been very easy like ABC or as the song goes, easy as Sunday morning, though I tend to wonder just how easy waking up on a Sunday morning is?

Still continuing with this marriage vow business, for the Romans who were wealthy, they had to sign like a present day prenup, listing all their property rights and declaring to other guyz that their marriage was legal. This was the start of all these madness that we see called weddings and vows.

Being a wedding script writer has really opened my eyes to the reality of marriage vows and what people really get themselves into when they say these stuff. I am a Christian, and there is this verse that warns people to be careful when they make vows. That your words should be few when you stand before God. That it is better you listen first and gain understanding before you state your undying love and commitment to your supposed lover.

I have a million and one questions or lets say 21 questions like 50 cents song on these vows. Is it really a must that people say them especially when they know that they may just be saying them out of feelings, or a sense of obligation that the church and the state requires them to do? I sometimes wish I was a little birdy on people’s shoulders as they are saying these vows and ask them whether they are sure that they will keep the words that they have just sworn before God, men and of course themselves.

Having researched the origin of these stuff, I have made a promise to myself and hope that my future best half will consent to this. I will not do vows on my nuptials. I will not agree to anything that one of us or maybe both of us may not be willing to keep.Something that I might one day be looking at my wedding videos and crying tears of pain not of joy after paying all that cash just to have memories of my big day. I have decided that I will only say what I know I will have the guts to keep!

In the past, couples could promise each other to “love and cherish” or, alternatively, the groom promises to “love, cherish, and worship”, and the bride to “love, cherish, and obey. But all these changed when guyz threw tantrums. One thing that I would change is all that love, worship thing especially if the guy you are marrying is nothing you admire. Lets say you are getting married to a cheat or an  old man who’s like your grand dad’s age desperate women who is super scared of age, you get into it, just to floss around a gold ring and to post on social media that you are now hitched. Am not against that showing things on FB thing, but let your intentions be pure as you do those things. You might brag and the next thing we hear is that you are divorced…God forbid.

I wish we could change these vows to only conjugal rights. That you could just swear to have one sexual partner, a companion, without all the other duties of marriage like submission, house chores, and all the other things.Worse, is this for better and worse thing that confines women to awkward positions like standing by your husband when he decides to have a sex tape done on him, or when he just decides to sleep around and you are expected to stand by them through thick and thin. All because of the stupid vows.

Oprah, a woman I greatly admire once said something about relationships that if you are one of those closed minded people, you wouldn’t get it. This is what she said when she was questioned about Steadman, his companion:

“If you ever interviewed him, he would tell you that had we married, we would not be together today,” Oprah said of Stedman. “Because he’s a traditional man and this is a very untraditional relationship.”

Oprah went on to explain that she couldn’t be a wife because the word holds responsibilities she doesn’t feel capable of handling.

“I think it’s acceptable as a relationship, but if I had the title ‘wife,’ I think there would be other expectations for what a wife is and what a wife does. First of all, you’ve got to come home sometimes,” Oprah laughed. (source New York post)

Instead of all these divorces that we see every time because of guys cheating, irreconcilable differences and stuff, why can’t all these vows be broken and we settle to a more convenient deal.

Lets burn bridges..cheers to 2016

Did you know that Mesopotamia (Iraq) instituted the concept of celebrating the new year 2000 BC ? The  Romans dedicated New Year’s Day to Janus,  the pagan god of gates, doors, and beginnings. It is from the name of this god that the name January comes from and the god is portrayed as possessing two faces: one looking forward and the other backward.  Officially, January 1st was adopted by most Western European nations  before they adopted the now used Gregorian calendar, which comprised of other holidays like Christmas. In present day, the Gregorian calendar is being employed as a defacto calendar by most nation states and the holiday is in most instances celebrated by observing fireworks at the stroke of midnight, and making new year resolutions which are mostly broken by day five…am not throwing a wet blanket on anyone’s vision 2030 am just saying lol…

The new year’s eve ends with many things involved, some guys are sometimes busy working that it never matters, its just another day. To some of who go to church, this is one of those moments where you expect some word on how this year will turn out to be. You come out of church excited, ready to meet the new year until something happens to you that all over sudden you move through the motions of the days and you regard such things as just words, or something to hype people up, that religion is just the opium of the masses meant to numb them from the madness of life. It can really make one bitter, about God and everyone including themselves.

Then there are others with expectations, just usual ones, thinking that the past year will bring you joy, open doors, some who are single expected to be married but you’ve been a bridesmaid and a groomsmen this year more than any other year. Others, you’ve sent alot of CVs till you are tired and all that has happened is that you’ve bounced and you keep meeting your former schoolmates who got a lesser grade than you driving, and they take you out for lunch, buy you expensive meals. You only wish that they could give you that cash for fare and have began calculating how that money could have sorted you the whole week. Others wanted to have their first car, but you’ve walked and the only thing that you have is some torn foot-subishi underneath your bed. Which reminds me that I need to do some serious foot wear shopping..Does anyone know the latest place where I can get some? 🙂

Lets burn bridges. To all the disappointments, to all our lovers who thought we were not all that and married people who were lesser than us, to all the people who promised to give us jobs but went on silent mode the moment they saw our calls and thought we were disturbing them, to the people we thought were friends and later on stubbed us in the back. In fact I came to realize that strangers can support you more than your friends, never count on them. Let God work on them to support you. And make sure that you too have been loyal to people. Don’t just complain what you have been not to people. Life is an echo! To our loved ones who departed us this year, may their souls rest in peace. To the deals that didn’t work out, to the mistakes both grave and small, to the dreams that didn’t materialize, lets burn bridges and lift up our eyes, something great is happening, and these things that didn’t work out will one day turn out to be the manure of what will work out in the future, no matter how long it will take. Never give up.

To the great things that happened, burn that bridge. We move from one glory to another and the success of one time might make you be comfortable and not reach higher heights. Worse, it may make you look down on others and you might begin to think that it’s because they are not doing anything that’s why they are not where you are. It’s by God’s grace you are where you are. Other people are working harder than you or are even more intelligent than you are. But God has graced you and opened doors for you, burn that bridge. To those who got married be better spouses, to those who have babies, be better parents. The world needs a higher calibre of citizens,  and being a parent is a very high calling. Its bigger than just posting photos on Facebook. We are relying on you to bring up responsible workers, lovers, and above all mighty men and women who are going to change history. Don’t take it lightly.

I want to wish you all a blessed new year. Its not a cliche, but may it be the year that you have been waiting for, may doors open for you and may all your dreams and aspirations come to pass. Thanks alot for your support this year, for all those who encouraged me and made me believe that I could really write. To the grammar nazis, thanks , you assisted me improve. And to God almighty, for the gift and for many better days ahead. I believe this with all my heart, you should too. 🙂

Mr. Man, confidence is good, too much of it is toxic

In psychology, self confidence is a concept that relates to having self assurance of one’s own judgment, power and ability. Self confident people are admired everywhere and are respected because they inspire confidence in others. These chaps tend to see ways out of no ways, they know who they are, and are always positive. However, there are certain things that these supposed confident men do that is terribly annoying, and maybe today, am the only person who will shock them with this revelation about them.

One of the most annoying things I have to face as a single woman is meeting these men who think they are super confident and that every woman who approaches them wants to either sleep with them or wants a relationship with them. They are confident about their “looks”, their “fat” bank accounts and the stature that they hold in the society. They are not there yet but must rub it on everyone’s face on who they are and what they own. Sometimes what I want to tell them is to take a quick inventory on their lives. You are not all that and not every woman who is friendly towards you wants a relationship with you. If you are as intelligent as you think you are, you should have discernment to know exactly what different kind of women want from you.

 

These single, self confident men who think that they are perfect and that it is the women who should align to  their standards which are as high as the walls of China. They are always seeking perfection that they themselves have not yet attained. They want an intelligent, beautiful woman, who knows how to cook, but they themselves don’t know how to hunt. They are morons and know nothing and draw back each time you tend to be more intelligent than them. You see, their self confidence lies to them that they can handle such a woman but in reality, they can’t. They are single because the man upstairs is looking at them and laughing, because truth be told, you do not possess (the law language) the capacity to handle such a woman. Shine your eyes and sing along with Christina Shusho’s song…nipe macho nione (give me eyes to see).

Another breed are these married men who are everywhere parading their wives, thinking that everyone who is talking to them is interested. Kindly give everyone the element of doubt that they are innocent, that maybe they just want to talk and want nothing from you. You are not every woman’s type, so stop going everywhere telling us that you are married to one wife, flossing your ring thinking that all we ever do is drool over you. Seriously? Gather life my friend. I have seen these men who cant even talk to you because of the mere fact that  you are single and simply because they think you are after them. They treat you with such contempt. Well one day she will be gone, not prophesying doom but nothing lasts forever…selah

 

 

Am not trying to bash men who know themselves and are great people. Self confident is great, but too much of it is horrible. It will hurt you Mr. Man, take care of it.

Much love,

Owalz

 

 

Why I think we should all stand by France

I have never believed in the notion that Friday,13th November should be termed as black Friday. It is said that the superstition surrounding this day may have arisen in the Middle Ages in the during the period where God became flesh and dwelt amongst us. Particularly, scholars say that the story may have been birthed from   the last supper and crucifixion in which 13 individuals were present with Jesus just before Judas was paid some doh to send the son of God back to His father. While people say that there is evidence that this number, 13 and Friday are unlucky, well, this was not my topic for the day but I just thought that you should know something about the day and my contemplation on it.

So last Friday was 13th, and on Friday, didn’t notice until a pal of mine told me about it and warned me of the possibility that something nasty was about to happen. Well, am a Christian so I brushed it off, and pleaded the blood of Jesus, binding the demons that would bring bad luck on me that day. It was not until I woke up in the morning to see the gruesome images on TV on the Paris attack and what the crazy terrorists had done.  129 people dead. 352 others injured. And an entire world shaken by the events of the day.

This was not the first time we stood by France. In 2006, Charlie Hebdo, reprinted cartoon that were considered to be controversial as they depicted Prophet Mohamed. Their then president, Jacques Chirac, blatantly criticized this act and and called it “overt provocation.”what followed was the destruction of the offices by a gasoline bomb in 2011. the world stood by France with the phrase, ” Je suis Charlie.”

Photo image: US today

So later on, I browse through my Face book as a normal routine and find this temporary profile flag thing request. I see that most of my pals have set it up so I follow suit but with a purpose. I only follow people when I know that what they are doing is right not just following blindly. Until I saw a number of guyz complaining why people were busy changing their profiles while these guyz from the west don’t give a damn about us, they always call us baboons thinking that the entire Africa is one and more so, the think that Africa is full of problems. It is during these times that I tend to concur with Chimamanda’s speech, that it is truly dangerous to write and share only one side of the story. While I applaud my brothers for noting with keen interest on these  developments, I have a few things I want to straighten out on the issue.

First, we should all stop acting like victims in the whole affair. Africa and other nation states portrayed to be third worlds cannot say that they are under colonization. Most of the nation states gained independence like about 50 years ago and this ensured that they have sovereignty, meaning that we all have our destiny in our hands. No nation is superior in the world and as far as I know, the US and other nation states have endeavored to provide assistance and aid to these countries. Yet, despite of all the assistance, these nation states have been plagued with so much looting and corruption. In addition, contemporary news reporting in Africa is invariably of the ‘fire fighting’ tendency and lacks  highly professional reporter who can relay African stories in a way that the world can respond. We have the power to become superior to the US and other European nation states if we want to. We have the power to be heard, if we want to. The only problem is do we have the will to?

Our rhetoric on the supremacy of the western powers will have to mature to the point where we take charge of our destiny and look into ways in which Africa’s voice can be heard in the international scene. Even the Bible says, a poor man even if he has wisdom cannot be heard. Africa’s voice has been silenced by the fact that we are still beggars. Under loan, grants and assistance. The worst is that our minds are slaves as well. We have rejected our culture and sought to be identified with the western culture. How can we then claim to demand for a voice in a world where we have not found ourselves? Even in the natural world, any man who has no identity, and does not know their place in the society has no voice.

I know you might be wondering why I have taken this long route just to explain why we should stand with France. I know you are thinking that I have a loose nut somewhere to rant about the west supremacy instead of just minding my own business. You might even be feeling that this is seriously absurd but all these things are connected. The whats happening in the media, and whats happening in our nations and whats going on in your life, they are all interlinked like some invisible web. That for as long as we stop wearing diapers and up our game we shall always be having these stupid comments on how the west are being favored by their media..Key word to note is that it is their media, their platform. Do you expect them to mirror their country negatively on their platform? Do you expect them to air their dirty laundry for the world to see and disgrace them? Hell, no. Never in a million years.

If us guyz can’t style up and write positive stories on Africa, they will keep on writing a bunch of crazy stuff about us. And as usual, we will keep on ranting about it. Like daahhh, we don’t have anything else to do except do that. It is like business, you cant blame a guy who has a great strategy on advertising while yours is a flop. You will look for ways to beat them and be better. And that is what Africans should concentrate on doing. Look for ways of making sure that our voice is heard in the world. For we are no longer victims in this epoch of globalization. It is a free world.

photo by deviant art

My reflections on the true meaning of feminism

If there is one thing I regret about being born in Africa is how the term,”woman,” is defined. From the time an African parent has a baby girl, they are given a doll, which initiates them to the role of being caregivers, always dreaming of the day when they’ll walk down the aisle to meet the love of their life. They are taught sacrifice from day one, how to live for others and not themselves. That your contribution to this world is just to give birth and raise children and be a good wife. That being a woman is all about laying your dreams and vision at the altar of making others happy. That is what should make a woman happy.

Most of us can attest to the fact that our mothers spend a lot of time taking care of us and not taking care of themselves. They walk in tattered clothes and beaten down weaves so that we can at least go to school and have a meal by the end of the day. They walk several kilometers just to ensure that we are okay, that everything we need we have without strain or struggle. That despite fatigue and sometimes their ailing bodies, they were meant to do house chores and ensure that we had eaten. These are the things that the society celebrates. This is what the world calls feminine.

I want my little girl to  have the consciousness of who she is before the society defines who she is. I want her to comprehend her divine destiny as a woman a part from learning how to cook and wash clothes and dishes. I want her to know that she does not have to shrink to  become anything less than who she is simply because the society expects her to do so for her to fit into the role of a wife. A woman gives up so much in the name of marriage.In the name of having the status that they are someone’s wife. When they talk, they are called nags and hence “to save their marriage” they put up with the crazy things that some of these trouser wearing species make them go through. “It is called submission, they are told, when a man says something you are meant to just say yes or no or else he’ll leave you and go to your house help because she does what he says.

They are taught to live in the fear of the unknown.Fear that when they don’t know how to handle a man, he will leave them.

“Cook well, if you don’t your husband will leave you.” “Don’t study too much, men nowadays can’t handle a woman who has done her PHD. You’ll end up being alone, at the age of forty,without a child. And you know what happens if you reach that age without a child, you’ll have issues during child birth or you’ll end up marrying this old, divorced guy who has nothing to live for.’

Those are just some of the fears.

Now, to all those submission nazis who cant wait to give their comments on such articles, I absolutely subscribe to it.I believe that men ought to be the heads of the family. But while that is true, I also believe that women too need to be respected and loved. Their opinions needs to be valued. men too need to sacrifice a little bit for their families. For a woman’s dream to come true, not just for their dream to come true. It irks me each time to see women giving up big jobs just to become stay at home wives. Just to open the door for some chap who all over sudden has become some king of the house. Do you know how that affects the economy? That there is a sudden loss of income not just in the house but in the society.

In church it’s worse. You are taught to do whatever a man tells you to do and failure to do so you are tagged as a Jezebel. Now for those who don’t know what Jezebel is, she is that queen who married Ahab and made him do great wickedness. So in the present world, she exists in families and especially where a woman has control, they believe that you are possessed by it. And so you shrink back, and you cant even breathe because you live in constant fear that by presenting who you are, and actually stepping out, you are actually the devil’s wife, for lack of a better word.

But it is wrong.

This is what I believe feminism is all about, before am labelled a Jezebel by my Christian comrades. It is the redefinition of who a woman is.It is a woman who understands who she is and where she is going and will not allow the society bring her down or make her feel otherwise. That  proverbs 31 woman above all understands who she is, understands her trade and talents well, understands her role as a wife and as a mother and her place in the society. The best part of it is that her husband calls her blessed. Her husband respects her too. This is the part of the gospel which I have not heard being preached. Respect is mutual and it is earned.

And so I want to give that word another meaning. Its not a word to be  feared or shunned. It is a word that should be embraced by every father who desires to see a strong society, who understands the value and purpose of women, it is a word that should be embraced  by every brother who is proud of standing side by side with women, it is a word that should be embraced by women above all, in their fight to know who they are and do their part to make this society worth being part of.

Don’t blame the government, corruption is a reflection of who we are

Lately, I’ve been pondering deeply on an issue that’s seriously crippled not just our country but other nation states in the world. The cancer of corruption, as some scholars, or politicians call it, is currently trending news in our TV sets as well as the social media. From spending nearly 8 million just to open a Face Book account to buying a bar soap for thirty thousand shillings… Dear Lord, kwani what is it washing? Even the blood of Jesus that washes sins from red to white aint that expensive. In fact it’s free and more effective.  These are just a few cases of corruption that my tired mind can think of right now, lets just delve into something more serious.

If I can trace back, from the Kenyatta the father epoch to now the son, Kenya, according to the corruption index in the year 2012, ranked 139th out of 176 countries for corruption. It was tied with countries like Pakistan, Azerbaijan, Nigeria and Nepal (woi do I even know where this country is)? Further, it is estimated that the average Kenyan mtunguyaz pays 16 bribes a month. Though they may be small figures, there are also large bribes that are daily exchanged. Those are  the shocking statistics that I fished somewhere in the net, don’t know if they are true or not. Hope that they assist me drive my point. LOL

And while we blame the government for not putting it’s feet down on the issues of corruption, we are to blame for what’s happening to our beloved motherland. Like the blog’s topic, corruption in many nation states does not just reflect the status of the government but a failed citizenship and more so, a failed family structure. Remember, our leaders are all Kenyan citizens. They are our brothers and sisters, our former work mates, school mates, some even our parents worse, our grandparents. At one point or another, we have interacted with some of these people. At one time, they showed you their interest to save the nation from destruction and make the world a better place. Then something happens to them once they step into office. Some strange mystical force that operates in political offices that I have never understood. You see a good man get corrupt all at once. What he criticized, he has now become and is escalating it to the next level.

Corruption commences with you and me. It begins at home, when a father diverts his salary to a chips funga and lies to his wife that he has not been paid for many months. It extends to the little boy who steals sugar from his mother’s jar and wipes his mouth so as not to be caught. I remember doing that. I would level the sugar so well so that my mum does not notice that something was a miss. Now I know better, so my little Jabali won’t fool me on that one LOL..It goes to siblings who fight for their parent’s attention and may even go to an extent of killing each other just to remain with the material possessions,things that they will die and leave on earth. It’s in the eldest sibling who’s a bully and thinks that dominating others is the surest way to prove that they are in authority. It’s in buying a banana and eating it all alone without considering your other siblings in the house.   It’s in the little things that grow to become big things. They may look like  weird examples, but beware of the small foxes, they spoil great vines.

I begin with the family because that’s where all the drama is. If our families were strengthened with great values and norms, if our children had fathers who trained them and gave them character,then I believe the world would have great leaders. For the leaders come from us, the fruit is never falls far from the tree. As i write about this, I think of the many times we lie in our workplaces of expenses never incurred. I recount one day helping someone sign fake receipts which they never used.

“Hurry up, so that the cash comes out by the end of the weekend.” “I have a great plot which I can’t miss by hook or crook.” she said a little bothered by the fact that I was taking my sweet time trying to forge a different sign on each receipt.

If I link this story with what is happening now, of MPs faking their travel expenses and earning over 250, 000 per week, I then have evidence to reinforce my argument that corruption is not far from us. That what we are praying and complaining about things that we have the power to change. That  we are the change that Kenya is waiting for. Of course I repented after that, and for many other things which i did after that that are tied to this. I’m still not there yet, but at least am conscious of the fact that while I rant on Face book and newspaper editorials on how corruption is rampant , I am partly responsible of what’s happening. That when I get home celebrating the evil I have done while my child is listening, am training him/her that  what I have done is right. And he/she will grow up and do the exact things that  I complained about. And it will be my fault, not anyone else s. Corruption ni wewe na mimi (Corruption is you and me).

That man will never marry you ..leave him alone

As a single woman, one thing that irks me to the core are articles that keep bashing us by attempting  explain the reasons as to why we are still single. Worse are those that spell doom to our future and for the cowards, such articles make them shrink like an African woman’s hair on a rainy day. Going through that is the worst experience ever, so today, being the feminist that I am, we are going to change this and look at some species of men, yes species because I believe that there are diverse species of men existing in this mondiale.

Before I commence my surgery on Mr. man today, I want to strongly emphasize the fact that as much as men complain that women nowadays don’t know how to cook, and some don’t know how to bow to men like the Ugandan women do and many other things that men look for in women before marriage, there are still many of them who my observation has proven that they are not into this marriage business thing. In fact I would like to caution my fellow women to run like a plague from such men if they don’t want to see their hearts be shuttered into pieces beyond repair. And woe unto you if such a calamity befalls you.

So he keeps on calling you here and there for lunch and dinner. You occasionally spend the night at his place and act all cozy as if that’s your house. In fact, you have even began wearing his t shirts, you have already brought in your suitcase carrying 100 pair of shoes that you’ll never wear, a toothbrush,and others..let me not get into the nitty grities. This guy is not showing any signs that he wants to officially tell your folks that he is interested and you are here consoling and buying into that lie that he will one day make it official. That you are a couple. Aren’t you doing what lovebirds do?You’ve given in to all his demands. People say you are desperate. That’s true. You are desperate. You are yearning that this joker makes up his mind. Wish you all the best dear. Read the title above, before you carry luggage that you were never meant to carry.

This other one shows you crystal clear that he is not just into you. He ignores your calls, and texts, keeps hanging out with other chiles so that you get the hint, he doesn’t like you. In fact you are lucky you haven’t found those mean dudes who tell you point blanks and do you matharau you have never seen. Men can be wicked. I don’t know if that is God’s way of pushing you away from the man ama? Why do you want to kill yourself early? A wise man once told me, if someone treats you like an option, pick up your mat and walk away with your head held high. Simply because one man rejects you, doesn’t mean that you won’t find another one who will love you better than that man. Remember, there are one billion people on this earth and they are minus women and children!!!!

And while it all looks as easy as ABC to do all these things, I know it’s not. I don’t even know why they say that ABC is easy especially when it takes a lot to learn it as a young child. I’ve been there, done that and I have some scars to prove it. I have seen women pull a soap opera by going as far as getting pregnant to make a man stay with them. Others get into cat fights with their best friends, sisters just because of a man. A trouser wearing, beard shaving, deep voice with an Adams apple species. Sometimes, I love my walk with God because it stabilizes me especially when my emotions run high because of a man. I speak not as if I don’t go through these things, so don’t feel condemned. You realize that you can never depend on a man. That chap that you are fighting for might one day cheat on you with someone else and then blame it on your going to school, or that you don’t know how to cook or the worst excuse, that you are not compatible. And then, what will happen to you and your efforts? All gone to the drain. You’ll have to start your life from scratch again.

The last breed of men are the indecisive ones. More like the Kalonzo Musyoka’s watermelon kind of thing. The guy who has never decided whether he is into you or you two are just good, old buddies. The worst part is when he acts as if he owns you. He gets green eyed when he sees you with other men, acts as if he really wants to be with you though his heart is not with you. The truth is that such chaps might be dealing with some past issue. For instance, some of them may be scared to commit because they  were hurt by another girl and they vowed never to be in a relationship again. Others are afraid of commitments and the thought of being more than friends is as scary as hell itself. So it’s like, they move towards you and then they pull off. Others behave like this because they just don’t know what they want. Period. But for how long will you wait for him to wake up and make a decision, or heal and move on if they don’t want to show effort?

It would be best for you to move on. You don’t want to be one of those women in the Nairobean crying out for handouts in the name of child support. You don’t want to live your life regretting of the people you should have hooked up with or the life that you could have had. You are not worth that baby girl. Pick up your mat and walk. Leave that joker alone.

Yes, we are all thieves in some way…..

The  Bungoma county’s governor dropped a bomb shell yesterday when he announced that  Shs.109K had been used to buy wheelbarrows. With no remorse on his face, he openly declared that apparently  these wheelbarrow cannot be classified with  the normal ones that we know. They are made of stainless, non-carcinogenic material (whatever that is) that is used in the food industry. This only happens in Kenya but for crying out loud, does this man think we are a bunch of morons when he says that?

As much as we may want to stone him and a few others like one who apparently have spent a whole 2 million just to register a Face book account, (Jesus, I don’t even want to think about that), I want us to reflect for a minute and think of how we have become a den of robbers as a society and are not even aware of it. Some statistic I read in some blog I’ve forgotten the name, said that nearly 54% of Kenyans are thieves. Now the blog apparently classified thieves into various categories that I won’t mentioned because in my contemplation today  you’ll discover that there are other ways in which we are robbers without violence and we have no clue that we are.

Number one, we are experts at stealing people’s time. Have you ever agreed to meet with someone at a particular time and they showed up two hours later? How did that make you feel?Nasty, angry, right? Like you wanted to slap the hell out of the guy or chick? And then these  thoughts run through your mind like a packed up train trying to catch up with lost time?As if that happens LOL. And thats not all, when a guy makes a lady wait for him for years and then break off the engagement, that theft. How is the girl supposed to recover all the time and potential men   she’s left just waiting for you? Do you think that just because you said sorry she or he is going to get that time and money? Time does not heal wounds or being back cash. Anywayz, we steal our bosses time when we get late to work like they are paying us to laze around. We steal God’s time when we wake up late on Sunday morning thinking that He doesn’t care. Not that I have mastered the art of keeping time, but we need a savior!

Number two, we steal people’s hearts. This is the worst form of theft because we do this all the time and don’t know it. Some people are born so charming, so intelligent, so brave like the lionesses in Masaai Mara who endure great trials just to preserve their cubs. National Geographic is super interesting. That’s when you know that women indeed have power. When you see a lioness scatter a male lion all by herself to protect the lives of her cubs. Back to my story. You want to just hung around them and your prayer to Mother Mary and the saints if you are a Catholic is that your paths and theirs cross and that it would be so natural, so divinely orchestrated, the way it happens in the movies you know. Such absurd thoughts cascade your mind the whole day and night and you don’t even get to do anything at work simply because someone has stolen your heart. That heart that you swore you’ll never give to anyone, that heart that you had walls erected like those ones built in China.  The walls are now down like the ones in Jericho, only that this time, it took careless whispers instead of the loud shouts to tear it down. Baby, your heart is stolen.

Number three we steal people’s resources. Resources can mean many things. Like your company’s biros, books, tissue, you know such stuff. Or when you visit your pal and then to silent borrow their expensive perfume not caring that they might have budgeted to take route 11 the whole month so that they can smell nice. And here you are with your sweet self blessing yourself with someone’s property. Shindwe! Companies steal or shop for the best talent and buy them at the best price so that they can be better. I have often wondered why they have never thought of growing their own people. Start from scratch. Just saying. We steal people’s girlfriends, boyfriends, wives, hubbies, it happens everyday. I hear girlfriends crying about their boyfriends being stolen by their best friends and vice verser, though the later is most common. Women are their worst enemies. White teeth aint white heart dear, guard your property!

Last but not least,  is stealing people’s ideas. We see something working for another person and then we think that it will work for us too. We forget that each person is unique, and what works for one may not necessarily work for you. We see celebrities with their weird lives and all over sudden we want to steal their lifestyle and incorporate it with ours. We take loans just to adjust to that life that we know for real we can’t handle. We have stolen an identity that is not ours. .It’s not authentic therefore it canneth LOL work for us. We fear getting tired so the only available option would be to shop what’s others and then lie that its ours. Have you ever been through this?Someone stole your idea and then ran with it as if it’s theirs?And you have no power to say or even scream that it’s yours?Its even better for someone to steal your bag than to do that. But we see that every day, we meet such people who have no manners but do that, and all the society expects us to do is to shut up, fold our arms and act as if nothing happened, like it’s some normal kind of norm that we should get accustomed to. The devil is a liar. What such people deserve is to be called thieves, and then a can of kerosene be poured on their filthy, stinking bodies and a matchstick struck on them. Twaaa!! A blast!! they deserve it more than the people we beat in cold blood everyday. The people we have labelled as thieves. Kumbe kikulacho ki nguoni mwako (what eats you up is what is within). I rest my case.

Baby girl, roll up your sleeves, its time we learnt how to cook!!!

Today was one of those Mondays. I woke up late as I was trying to compensate for the sleepless nights I have been having for the last one week. Sleep is a nasty debt especially if you attempt to dodge paying it’s dues. Anyway, I managed to dress up quickly into one of those wash and wear trousers, took a big gulp of tea et voila, I was out, praying that the Monday does not turn blue on me. It was while I was in the matatu that I heard this interesting vibe on radio. That men are obese because their wives are either not cooking or doing it badly. They say that it has become a national disaster!!

They blame it on the advent of the so called independent woman who is classy, earns more cash than the man, has more degrees than a thermometer in other words, she is empowered. She does not have time to go to the kitchen and prepare you a meal Mr.Man, especially if she is the one bringing the bacon home while you are as busy as a bee with the remote control slipping through the channels, watching the latest series and soap operas. After all, you brought this disaster upon yourself by marrying her. You chose wisdom instead of reason.You were feeling super insecure and you thought that by getting a rural woman in the village you could submit to your demands, you were safe at least from the madness of the Nairobi woman. Little did you know that when the young, rural dame would one day be wiser than you and then she watches the Kim Kadashian shows achanuke (she becomes wiser), you’ll see things you’ve never seen. You’ll be one of those men crying on radio that you are obese and that you need your wife to come home to cook for you. I pity you Mr. Man.

Today am not on Mr. Man’s case. For once, you can clap for me and support my cause for a better society. Women, its high time we learnt how to cook. Not just for our men, or because it’s womanly, whatever that means, but because a woman’s role is the home. I remember going to my granny and she preparing this meal that it’s impossible for you to forget. The way they just know how to dissect a chicken and make the fire and within seconds the food is ready. Tebu you try to do that with your Nairobery understanding aki huwesmek (you cant). It is with this understanding that I empathize with Oyunga Pala when he implores us to know how to cook. Now, you may think that am a big fun of cooking, but quite frankly am not. I hate to cook in fact  given an option I would  eat in the hotel all my life and not even give a damn. Cooking is stressful especially if you have deadlines and school and commitments and all these people on your neck who are always trying to get a piece of your attention which you can’t give them coz you are super busy. But with all my feminist tendencies and ideologies, I have finally bowed down to the notion that I have to know how to cook,one way or another.

Pardon me my ladies if I sound a bit grumpy and harsh too but what am trying to say is true. Thats why it’s nice not to get married at a young age otherwise you’ll spend a longer time doing duties that you hate doing. If an African man underwent all that hell just to pay your dowry, at least you should do him a favor and know how to cook. First of all, the fact that you are married means that you are not your own. You belong to your hubby, as painful and as traditional as that may sound. You will do as he says. There is no negotiation about that sadly hun. The reason why some of us are still single is because we comprehend these dynamics and its better you choose a boss who is lenient on you and will tell you to go out sometimes, will tolerate the nice Tuskies and Nakumatt dishes and sometimes you’ll find a warm meal prepared for you in case you are late. Dreams are super valid, and there’s power in confession especially on what you consider ideal. Marry a white guy if you are single or someone exposed and you won’t suffer some of these stupid things that I hear women go through on radio in the name of marriage.

Anyway, at the risk of being accused that I hate marriage and African men LOL, my mind goes back to the day when the ensuing debate on social media was on how Lupita Nyongo boldly declared that she does not know how to cook ugali. Some Luhya men(don’t stone me) could not comprehend this fact and went on announcing how they could not see themselves even dating such a woman. Well, I though that was crap, because a man too must know how to cook. What will happen when the woman is sick and she can’t cook?Will you marry another wife to do the work or you’ll get the job done as you wait for her to recover? This thing should be balanced man and you should kindly note that cooking does not make you less of a man. A woman’s value should not be pegged on whether she can cook or not but on her ability to be a man’s help mate. How can this woman support your vision? Is she intelligent? Are the two of you compatible? I firmly believe that the fact that it has been said that a woman is a help mate doesn’t mean that she is a house help. yes, it is part of her role to ensure that the house is a home and that it is in order but we can always improvise these things.We can always ask for help. Surely, we are not robots!

Women lets learn how to cook, at least for our kids sake and to save our faces from the men and above all the society which thinks that just because you are successful and look independent, you are inept when it comes to house matters. Well, with that being said, lets roll up our sleeves and cook girlfriends!!