A letter to grandpa…

I had never imagined that a day like this would ever reach. Where I’ll be forced by nature to say goodbye to someone very dear not just to me but the many relatives that I have out there. To recollect and digest all that is happening around me, I’ve decided to write this letter as a tribute to him. Maybe it will help me heal and come to terms with what’s happening. More so, it will help me deal with grief. Its all part of life.

 

Dear Grandpa,

Hope you are well in heaven, where I know you certainly are, considering the numerous preaching that you gave us  and the devotion you had towards God and fellow mankind. You were a great soul to many people. Only endless praises fill the mouths of those who knew you. They will praise your words of advice, your assistance and  how you were such a rock that they would lean on. Why wouldn’t Peter not open the heaven’s gate for you? Why wouldn’t God in heaven say to you the famous words,’Well done good and faithful servant. You’ve fought the fight, you’ve finished the race. Enter now your rest.”

Can you imagine that on the day I received that heart breaking news of your departure was the first day I got published on the newspaper! I had that melange reaction  of being as excited as barren woman whose just received news that they are expectant  and being sad. You always asked me during our phone conversations about my work and what I did. I never told you that I write. Or lets say its work in progress. That staying up late at night and telling stories is what makes my heart ticks. Not working in the hospital and seeing blood and sick people everywhere. or being in a courtroom arguing cases. To you that seemed prestigious and something to be proud of and maybe you just wouldn’t understand this passion. But I know you would have been happy to see me happy.

That day of your death, I had some sought of premonition, though I kind of don’t believe in such stuff. I prayed for you as usual in the morning. That had become my ritual. When I was told of your recovery, I was ecstatic, I knew that the day that I will travel all the way to the village I would see you again, and you would tell me your numerous stories which never ceased. And I would be energized, I would look at life with a fresh perspective. But hey, you are gone now. Maybe you waited for me and realized that I may never come, just as I always said but never fulfilled. Frankly, it just Nairobi life guka. Life happens so fast. Pressure, deadlines, all that crap just makes it hard to find time and see people. See you in particular. I regret that. Please forgive me.

There’s one thing that you always desired me to do. In fact, it was the first thing that you always mentioned in any conversation that we had. “When are you getting married?” You would ask. Or in your own words,” When are you joining the CCM party? (Chama Cha Mapindusi). The politician that you were, you would always see thing with that political angle. Si you loved politics aki. I guess that’s why I also kinda love politics. Though I don’t know whether it will be hard or soft. I know you will laugh till you resurrect, now that you are dead, when you hear about that ambition. You would say,”Harriet, or Elizabeth, that is not for you. You are not that strong for that.” And may be I would vow within my heart with that determination of a lion that I will prove you wrong lol. Anyhow, anyhow, somehow I must change this society. Please watch over me, people are wicked, make sure my course does not take a detour.

Back to the CCM thingi. I met this ja imbo guy.Smart, dark, tall like an African giraffe. I haven’t settled that its him yet babu but am sure if I told you this secret before dad knows about it, you would ask me a million and one questions. Not the 50 cents 21 questions song. You would have been his competition with your rendition. You would have told me to just go ahead, not to waste time as time is not on my side. But imagine today we had a serious argument.I don’t know if he’s coming back ama he’s left coz I can sometimes be a mule just like you. So I’ll just say its your fault for gene’s sake. Please guide me. You are in heaven now and can see the white teeth that can turn into black hearts. make sure I join CCM party well and with the right man, whether black or white!

I dreamt of you walking me down the aisle, with dad on the other side coz you’ve always wanted to see that day. So when it comes, i will make sure you are present. And maybe I’ll have a name change of my son as well. I’ve always wanted to name him Jabali but I’ll add your name Abishai in front so that he knows how much you truly wanted to meet him. Don’t worry now, you’ll live inside of him. And maybe he’ll be like you. But please make him not be stubborn. I don’t know how I’ll deal with that. Make him wise and strong and God fearing and loved by people and……many more and as long as it’s positive. It will make me happy.

I have so many things to say. But its best I keep quiet now as am already tearing up. The memories are flooding my mind. Am just scared of the day they’ll lay you to rest.When you’ll go down six feet under and it will finally hit me that you are gone. That you will never call me to say that i should call you, or ask me for the tithe money for church, or tell me that you miss me and you want me to bi dala (come home) and just say hi. Its not goodbye, its till we meet again…

Kisses